How to stop trying to control everything

Do you try to manage ALL aspects of your life, control outcomes, and leave nothing up to chance?

If so, you’re not alone.

I used to try to plan, structure, and be responsible for everything that needed to happen in my life – in my business, relationships, and my personal life.  When undoubtedly something happened that I hadn’t anticipated, I’d start to feel an underlying sense of unease that would lodge itself in my belly.

My internal red flags would be triggered and I was left with a subtle, unnamed fear that wouldn’t go away until I got things under control again.

I didn’t realize at the time that I was actually living in a state of imbalance which was ultimately blocking my ability to achieve my fullest potential and minimizing my connection to Source.

I simply thought my perfectionism, need to always be in charge, and tendency to micromanage others was simply being thorough and detail-oriented.

You might recognize this within yourself, too, if you to force outcomes, make sure things happen on your timeline, and don’t trust others to do things they should be capable of doing on their own.

What I needed to learn most was how to detach and surrender.  I needed to more deeply trust in myself and the higher power that guides the universe.

When it came down to it, I felt out of control in other bigger areas of my life.

When we avoid speaking up for ourselves in certain circumstances, avoid making decisions, or become fiercely independent, it’s a way of controlling the possibility of feeling rejected, disappointed, being judged, or not valued.

Controlling and manipulating your external world is a way to avoid the strong emotions and decisions you don’t feel ready for.

Those thoughts might come through as:

  • Am I ready to trust in myself completely to make the right decisions?  Am I smart enough or brave enough to follow my own inner guidance?  Would I be safe even if the worst thing happened?  Maybe I’ll just think about it for awhile so I don’t have to decide right now without having a plan.


  • Can I depend upon someone else to keep their word and follow through with their agreements?  What does it mean about me if they don’t?  I think I’ll just do it all myself since I know it’ll get done if I do, even if it means I’m putting more on myself than I know I can easily handle.


  • Am I deserving enough to achieve my next level of success despite what my inner critic is telling me?  Am I ready to take the leap into the unknown?  What if I fail?  What if I’m actually successful?  Perhaps I should just keep doing what I’ve been doing since I know what to expect.


  • Do I believe that everything that is happening in my life is me holding myself back or is it part of a Divine plan to reveal a deeper part of myself and my spiritual path through these experiences?  Maybe it’s a bit of both but I don’t want to risk being wrong so I’ll grab hold even tighter since it’s too scary letting go.

We think we know what’s best.

Yet our ego often gets in the way of the Universe’s plans for us and our connection to our inner guidance and Source itself.

So when you feel like you need to have a hand in everything, that’s your cue to pause and learn more.

Have compassion for yourself and identify what’s really taking place within you.  Ask yourself, “Is it something I need to be controlling or is this something I can surrender and step back from?”  Notice your feelings and the inner chatter that appears as you reflect up releasing your involvement in those areas.

There is much joy, beauty, and pleasure that is found in the spiritual surrender of knowing you are not alone and don’t have to do it on your own.

Cultivate a deeper trust in yourself and your abilities, as well as that of others, and allow yourself to believe that you are being supported by the intangible force of Life that is working on your behalf.

You are not alone.

Sending you lots of love,

P.S. If you’re unsure how to take a step back from doing it all so you can regain control of your life again, or you simply want to take the fast track to a deeper connection with the Divine and your highest Self, then let’s talk.

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The call is completely free, and without obligation, so there’s no reason to wait. This simple conversation is a chance for us to get to know each other better, talk about your situation and your needs, and it could be the one call that changes everything. Let’s book that call sooner than later.  You’re worthy and ready for your next step.

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